I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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