I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i've created a new STD.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
