I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
