she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
