It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
