Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
