Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
