I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
