Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
