I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
