I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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