At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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