Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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