I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
