Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
