dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
