yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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