I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
