We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
