I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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