her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
