I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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