Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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