The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
