you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
