how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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