how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
