I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize