no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
