That's when you crack a 10am beer
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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