He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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