CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
