perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
