Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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