I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
