I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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