why didn't you poke me back
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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