For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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