The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize