his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
whose parrot is this?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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