Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
