Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Barsexuality is the new black.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
