I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
