that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
