franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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