I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to sanitize my soul.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize