I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize