last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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