I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
