i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
