I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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