Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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