Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
