Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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