My hand turned me down
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
