I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
