its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
