just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
