Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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