The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
