I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
