We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
