Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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