i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
