that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
