I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
