the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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