im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
