i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
