I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
