dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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