I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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